Activation of Self-Strengths

How often does life throw 'a curve ball at us'? What we want and desire is to respond successfully to whatever life throws at us – with calmness and the certainty that we can deal with whatever is in front of us, and maintaining a sense of personal power and dignity.

I have no doubt that there are many ways and approaches we can use to achieve this state of mind. But one of them, a simple one – my favourite – is on my menu when I work with clients.

So I'll share it with all of you. Especially since it is something that anyone can do at home to improve their mood and behaviour for their overall benefit. To be more specific:

• It improves mood and behaviour in challenging situations
• it generates positive feelings of empowerment and being more in control
• enhances self-esteem by improving the beliefs you have about yourself – what you think about the type of person you are and your abilities
• improves personal effectiveness, allowing you to do what you want to do...

Activation of Self-Strengths

First, pick a challenging situation. How to pick one? Just notice that around some situations you have negative feelings – perhaps you keep putting certain things off. Or some situations make you feel frustrated. Or apathetic. Or panicky and anxious. It could be at work, or at home, or related to food or sex or relationships. The best type to pick is one that is a current challenge and that you meet almost on a daily/weekly basis.

Example. When I came over here to Belfast I became hugely anxious about talking on the phone or phoning anywhere. I could not understand what people were saying. I needed to see them, then I would at least get a rough idea of what they were talking about. I thought “they won't understand me; I am a foreigner, an immigrant, they will just hang up on me anyway. I don't speak in a way that they can understand....” I really panicked and froze at the thought of a phone conversation.

Second. Remember something from your past; a small event from your recent past can do the job excellently, where you successfully did something or used some skills or abilities in a similar situation and felt good about doing it and about yourself afterwards. The situation doesn't have to be identical to the challenge you're facing, just one where you tapped into abilities in a way that can be transferred to the current challenge.

Example. So I remembered that one day I received a phone call after an interview when I was looking for a job. All the worst conditions were in place – I was on the street with cars passing loudly by, it was quite windy and the caller had a real 'Belfasty' accent... But I remained calm and focused while the employer invited me to start working as of next week. I felt so proud of myself afterwards.

So the situation that I remembered was – I managed the phone conversation quite well despite all the obstacles.

Third. And then ask yourself a question: what does this situation say about myself? What does it tell me about my abilities, character, skills, values? And you will come up with one or more affirmative statements.

In my case they were the following: I can remain calm and focused when it matters. I can overcome a variety of obstacles when I am fully focused. People can understand me. I can talk on the phone to strangers here, I can understand them. I can keep my dignity in trying situations.

Why to do this? We verbalize the helpful self-truths and make them easily accessible. Because all the statements that you come up with are positive truths that tell you about your character or your abilities and skills.

These affirmations, self-truths, are very powerful, because they are the truths that you can easily recognize since they are based on actual situations. These positive self-truths can help you act in situations when you are not sure what to do, or when you want to act in some positive way rather than falling back to your automatic responses and becoming angry, or frozen, or just trying to flee or avoid the situation.

Fourth. And most importantly – activate this truth! How? Simply rephrase the 'self-truth' into a question.

“Can I be calm and focused when talking on a phone?” “Do I know what to do to in this trying situation?”

And you will naturally reply Yes to this question because it connects with an obvious truth. Yes. Because you already agree with it!

So after activating your 'self-truth' just notice the spontaneous response to it. Make a short pause, notice the positive response that it brings and then act from this new perspective.

Fifth. Summary - whenever you enter a challenging situation:

Recognize that you are facing your challenging situation,

Activate your self-truth by asking the question

Notice the change that the response brings (it will bring up the positive truth about yourself)

And then act from the new state of mind.

As one of my clients wrote after applying this procedure: “this exercise has already been of benefit to me and I’ve only begun using it. I’m keen to see how I develop over the next few months when the exercise has become embedded into my thought processes and I have used it in a variety of situations. Already I’m finding that the affirmation is like a safety net when I’m in a situation where I feel I have no control of myself or my responses. It anchors me and reminds me immediately that all is ok and that I’ve managed this situation before, no need to panic. It’s a powerful tool to have.”

It is like being a miner digging for gold, but that gold is easily found within yourself and your personal experiences. And once found, this 'gold' allows us to respond adequately.

So good luck and have excellent results!

Meanwhile, if you found the information relevant and interesting, please share it with others.
Comments, queries or recommendations, please let me know.
If you need more help navigating to healthier living habits, just call me or e-mail me.