Many of my clients come to me with different concerns, but one recurring theme is the relentless inner dialogue that takes over after a stressful encounter. That endless mental chatter—the need to replay situations, argue internally, and seek justification— is exhausting.
Why Does This Happen? Let’s go back to basics.
Imagine your colleague says something unpleasant, or a stranger on the train
disrespects you. The situation is over, but internally, you keep replaying it.
You continue the argument in your head, trying to prove a point, justifying
yourself, or countering their words.
You may think you’re reasoning things out, but in reality, you’re caught in
an emotional loop. The emotion essentially traps you—fuelling the same thoughts
over and over while your inner tension builds.
Breaking the Cycle The first step to freeing
yourself from this habit is understanding where your attention is going. When
something happens, we instinctively focus on the outside world—we want to
change the colleague’s attitude, teach that rude stranger a lesson, or make
things right in some way.
But here’s the truth: the real struggle isn’t with them—it’s with you.
What’s actually unfolding inside is a battle between two parts of yourself:
·
The Real Self—the
part of you that feels disrespected, undermined, or neglected.
·
The Ideal Self—the
part that is all-knowing, all-powerful, and often, highly critical. The part
that tells you: this is what you should have said/done!
The Ideal Self attacks, while the Real Self tries to defend itself as best
it can. This is where the mental chatter takes over. And unless you shift your
perspective, the cycle continues.
A New Perspective The way out is to stop
identifying with the harsh voice of the Ideal Self and instead stand with your
Real Self—the part of you that needs kindness, love, and understanding.
Ask yourself:
·
In what areas of my life do I disrespect myself?
·
Where do I lack trust in myself?
·
What steps can I take to build self-respect and
confidence?
